20 Questions That Support Connection, for couples.

Here are 20 prompts a couple can work through together. They move roughly from lighter to deeper, so you can start near the top and go as far as feels comfortable in a given sitting. A few ground rules make them work better: take turns answering the same prompt fully before switching, listen without planning your rebuttal, and treat what your partner shares as something to understand rather than fix or debate.

Warming up

1. What's a small thing I did recently that made you feel loved or appreciated?

2. What's something you're looking forward to right now, big or small?

3. When during this past week did you feel most connected to me?

4. What's a memory of us that you think about more often than I'd guess?

Getting to know each other more deeply

1. What's something you understand about yourself now that you didn't a few years ago?

2. What does a genuinely restful day look like for you — and when did you last have one?

3. What's a part of your day-to-day life that you wish I understood better?

4. When you're stressed, what actually helps — and what do people do that makes it worse?

5. Who has shaped who you are in a way you've never really told me about?

6. What's something you're a little afraid of that you don't talk about much?

Us, as a team

1. When do you feel most like we're on the same side? When do you feel like we're not?

2. Is there a way you'd like to feel more supported by me that you haven't asked for?

3. What's something we used to do together that you miss?

4. How do you most naturally show love — and does it match how you most like to receive it?

5. What's a conversation you've been wanting to have but haven't found the moment for?

Repair and growth

1. Is there anything unresolved between us that's still sitting with you?

2. When we disagree, what do I do that helps you feel heard — and what shuts you down?

3. What's something you'd like to get better at as a partner? What would you like me to get better at?

4. What do you need more of from me, and what do you need less of?

Looking ahead

1. When you imagine us a few years from now, what do you most hope is still true — and what do you hope has changed?

A gentle tip for the harder ones: if a prompt stirs something up, that's usually a sign it's worth staying with rather than rushing past. You can always pause a heavy question and return to it later.