Online therapy for intimacy challenges, desire differences, and relationship repair with an AASECT-Certified sex therapist.
Couples Therapy &
Sex Therapy for ANYONE
Ready to Rebuild, Reconnect,
and Reclaim Intimacy
Specialist therapist serving all of California. Working with individuals and couples seeking deeper connection, sexual wellbeing, and relational clarity. Real online sex therapy that gets results.
Dr. Adrian Scharfetter, PhD, LMFT, CST-S
License # 113824
intimacy issues
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mixed libido
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communication issues
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sexual health
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Desire Mismatch
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Decreased sexual function
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BDSM and kink affirming
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Boundaries
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intimacy issues ◇ mixed libido ◇ communication issues ◇ sexual health ◇ Desire Mismatch ◇ Decreased sexual function ◇ BDSM and kink affirming ◇ Boundaries ◇
I am very glad you are here!
My goal is to help you reconnect, with yourself, with each other, and with what truly matters in your relationship.
If you're feeling stuck, distant, or unsure of the path forward, couples therapy can become a place where healing happens, closeness returns, and hope is renewed.
I work with all types of clients, including:
✓ Individuals seeking clarity and meaning around their
sexual health and needs
✓ Monogamous and non-monogamous partnerships
✓ LGBTQIA+ and queer couples navigating relationships
✓ Long-term and newly committed relationships
✓ Couples exploring kink, polyamory, or open relationships/ENM
✓ Partners navigating parenting, neurodiversity, or life transitions
✓ Individuals and couples in alternative lifestyles or cultures
✓ Individuals who feel they are dealing with “sex addiction,” “porn
addiction,” and out of control sexual behavior
Common Challenges Include:
Communication breakdowns and conflict cycles
Performance anxiety, shame, or body-based barriers, men’s sexual health
Negotiating non-monogamy or new relationship agreements
Emotional distance, resentment, or loss of passion
Rebuilding intimacy after a rupture
Building better boundaries in your relationship
Why Work with an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist?
When it comes to sexual health and intimate concerns, the credentials of your therapist matter…significantly.
AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) certification represents the gold standard in sex therapy training. It's not simply an additional degree or a weekend workshop. It's a rigorous, multi-year process that requires extensive specialized education, supervised clinical hours specifically focused on sexual health, and demonstrated competency in addressing the full spectrum of sexual concerns.
What AASECT Certification Means for You
Specialized expertise beyond general therapy training. While many therapists are willing to discuss sexual issues, most receive minimal training in human sexuality during their graduate programs—often just a single course or even less. As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I've completed hundreds of hours of advanced training specifically in sexual health, sexual function, desire, pleasure, intimacy, and the complex interplay between psychological, relational, and physiological factors that influence sexuality.
Clinical experience with diverse sexual concerns. My certification required extensive supervised work addressing a wide range of sexual issues: desire discrepancy, erectile concerns, pain during sex, performance anxiety, compulsive sexual behavior, sexual trauma recovery, orientation and identity questions, kink and alternative sexualities, and much more. This breadth of experience means I'm not learning on your time—I've successfully helped numerous clients navigate challenges similar to yours.
A sex-positive, non-judgmental approach. AASECT certification emphasizes understanding sexuality across the full spectrum of human experience. I work with clients across all gender identities, sexual orientations, relationship structures (monogamous, polyamorous, and everything in between), and expressions of sexuality. There's no shame in my practice, only genuine curiosity about what brings you pleasure, fulfillment, and authentic connection.
Integration of medical and psychological knowledge. Sexual concerns often exist at the intersection of physical and emotional health. I understand the medical aspects of sexual function, can help you determine when consulting with a physician is appropriate, and know how to collaborate with other healthcare providers to ensure you're receiving comprehensive care.
Ethical standards and ongoing education. AASECT certification requires adherence to strict ethical guidelines and ongoing continuing education. I stay current with the latest research, treatment approaches, and best practices in sexual health to provide you with evidence-based, effective therapy.
When You Need More Than General Couples Therapy
Many relationship therapists feel comfortable addressing "communication about sex," but struggle when clients need deeper work around sexual function, desire, arousal, or pleasure. If your concerns include:
Significant differences in sexual desire between partners
Performance anxiety or erectile difficulties
Pain during sex or difficulty with arousal
Recovery from sexual trauma or shame
Exploring sexual identity, orientation, or desires
Navigating ethical non-monogamy or open relationships
Rebuilding sexual connection after infidelity
Integrating kink or alternative sexual practices
...you deserve a therapist with specialized training to address these issues effectively and compassionately.
Sexual health is fundamental to your wellbeing and relationship satisfaction. Working with an AASECT-certified sex therapist means you're receiving care from someone who has dedicated years to understanding the complexities of human sexuality and who brings both clinical expertise and genuine respect for your unique sexual expression.
You don't have to settle for surface-level conversations about intimacy. You deserve a therapist who can go as deep as you need to go.
MY services:
Reaching out for therapy can feel vulnerable. Initial consultations are simply a conversation to see whether working together feels like a good fit.
Other Services I offer:
my APPROACH
My work as an online therapist, couples intimacy therapist, and sex therapist is rooted in respect, connection, and sustainable growth. I draw from:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): to shift negative interaction patterns
Internal Family Systems (IFS): to explore the “parts” each partner brings
Sex Therapy: to reignite erotic connection, pleasure, and safety
Nonviolent Communication (NVC): to foster understanding and empathy
Psychoeducation: to build shared language, insight, and skills
I help you move from stuckness to clarity, from defensiveness to empathy, from disconnect to deeper connection.
“Dr. Scharfetter helped us reconnect during a time when intimacy felt hard. The approach felt gentle but effective, and we appreciated how much emphasis there was on safety, communication, and understanding, not pressure. We’re really grateful for the experience.”
Why Choose me for couples work or Individual work?
Credentials & Expertise
I'm an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples navigate their most intimate challenges. My approach is both evidence-based and deeply human, I bring specialized training in LGBTQ-affirming care, ethical non-monogamy, and kink-positive therapy, ensuring you feel seen and supported exactly as you are.
How I Work
My practice integrates relational, emotional, and somatic approaches to help you heal on multiple levels. I offer flexible online therapy session formats, including traditional weekly therapy and immersive Couples Intensives (3-hour, 6-hour, and multi-day options) for those seeking concentrated, transformative work. For clients interested in deeper therapeutic exploration, I also provide Ketamine-Assisted Therapy (KAP) for both individuals and couples.
What Sets This Work Apart
Beyond my training and credentials, what I bring to our work together is genuine warmth, empathetic understanding, and a commitment to creating real connection. I'm passionate about this work, and my clients consistently share that they feel truly heard and supported in our sessions.
THE PROCESS:
Your Relationship Deserves This Care
You don’t need advice.
You don’t need surface communication tips.
You likely already understand your patterns intellectually.
What you may need is a space where:
Emotional vulnerability is structured and safe
Desire is explored without shame
Achievement isn’t the organizing principle
Attachment and eroticism are integrated
That is the work.
I know that reaching out for therapy can feel vulnerable. Initial consultations are simply a conversation to see whether working together feels like a good fit.
Here are the three steps to take to get started!
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Book a consult call by scheduling here
You can also read my new client FAQ here for all important information
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We have a brief consult to go over any important questions or concerns
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From our consult we can set up our first introduction session to start our work together
Meet your TherapistDR. ADRIAN SCHARFETTER
I’m Adrian Scharfetter, PhD, LMFT, CST-S, founder of Athenian Counseling. I provide online sex therapy and couples therapy for clients throughout the Bay Area, including San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose, Berkeley, Palo Alto, and surrounding communities.
I specialize in helping high-functioning individuals and couples navigate intimacy challenges, desire discrepancies, communication breakdowns, infidelity recovery, and complex relational dynamics.
If you're feeling disconnected, from your partner, your sexuality, or even yourself, I want you to know you're not alone. So many people I work with come in feeling stuck in patterns they can't quite put into words, carrying quiet shame or frustration around intimacy, communication, or desire. I truly get it. Not just as a therapist, but as someone who's seen again and again how powerful it is when we finally have a safe space to bring the parts of ourselves that have been ignored, dismissed, or misunderstood.
My work and training as an AASECT certified sex therapist is really about helping you understand your own story. I help you reconnect with what you actually desire, and build relationships with others and with yourself, that feel genuinely nourishing, authentic, and alive. I provide a place for talk therapy that addresses the core issues around sexual dysfunction, communication issues, and struggles with intimacy. You deserve that.
Whether you’re in San Francisco, Oakland, or Silicon Valley, online therapy allows you to access specialized sex therapy without commuting across the Bay.